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  Tristan pointed at his Hudson University Swim Team jacket. “Try again,” he smirked.

  Luckily Carter came back before they started trading actual blows. “Phone or snuggle duty?” he asked.

  “Phone,” Dawn said before anyone else could answer.

  “I’ll take phone too,” Tristan said, so Carter and I could both be on snuggle duty, whatever that meant.

  If Carter and I were alone we’d probably be on the same duty with a very different result. I wondered if, at nineteen, all our kissing would have had me as hot and bothered as it now did. I was beyond turned on. We might not be able to have a future but damn if his lips didn’t make me enjoy the present.

  We walked into the back office and left Dawn and Carter at the phones. It was the same place where we’d spent the night. The bed was gone, moved to make room for couches. There were a few people sitting on them playing with dogs or cats.

  Carter’s features softened when he noticed me glance where the bed had been.

  “Not what you expected?” he asked.

  “I heard snuggle duty and I guess my mind wandered.”

  He touched my shoulder. “As it should. We’ll have time for that later,” he whispered, his lips so close to my ear it made me tremble. “Right now, we’ll be hitting the road, going to Kingston Commons with a kitten and a puppy to get people interested in donating and adopting.”

  “Oh,” I said, trying to hide my excitement at our being alone in the car together. Maybe later could be now.

  We headed out with a kitten named Ollie and a puppy named Patches in carriers along with some water, treats, and a whole lot of paper towels.

  “These are required,” Carter said, holding them up.

  When we drove out of the parking lot, the sun was high in the sky and Ollie’s and Patches’ carriers were safely secured by seatbelts in the back.

  “Thanks for coming,” he said.

  I nodded. “I don’t understand why no one else from school is helping.”

  Carter paused and looked in the rearview mirror. “Guess I’m not as appealing to everyone as I am to you.”

  “I am not here because you’re appealing,” I said, though who was I kidding?

  He took his eyes off the road for a moment and turned to me. “That’s why Tristan is here,” he laughed.

  “He’s really awesome,” I said. I thought about him in the front seat while we drove here. He had no doubt about who he was and wasn’t afraid to show it. I wondered if his sense of self was more evident considering the three other people who had been in the car.

  “He is,” Carter said, “but never tell him that. Otherwise you’ll never get rid of him.”

  Patches started crying from the backseat. “I don’t think he likes cars,” I said, reaching behind me to get him out of his cage and put him in my lap. He was a squiggling ball of warm fur, licking my fingers as I tried to keep him still.

  “What about you and Dawn, is she your new BFF?” he asked with a smirk.

  “I probably would have had a much different answer a few weeks ago, but now I actually like her a lot,” I said, putting Patches back in his cage once I’d calmed him down.

  “She’s definitely intriguing,” he said, his eyes wide so I could tell he was being sarcastic.

  “Not really.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Her exterior is I guess, but she uses it to hide everyone seeing who she truly is, like everyone else.”

  “Like you?” he asked.

  “Like everyone,” I said tightly.

  He nodded but didn’t respond. He wasn’t pushing it, which could only make me wonder about what his exterior was hiding.

  “I’m pretty sure there isn’t anyone in the world who completely knows someone else.”

  “I agree,” he said, staring at the road.

  I couldn’t help hoping to change that, where Carter and I were concerned. I really did want to know more about him, try and figure out why I couldn’t get him out of my mind, even though I absolutely should have. Maybe he wasn’t ready to tell me about his past, but there were mysteries I could unlock without words. What his sweaty chest tasted like, what he felt like when he came.

  “Pull over,” I said, touching his knee.

  He moved to the side of the road without even hesitating. He shut the car off and I slid my palm higher, rubbing him until he was hard.

  “Are you sure you want to do this now?” he asked.

  “We’re not doing this,” I unbuttoned the top button of his pants, slid my hand in. “I am,” I said, touching his hot, soft skin.

  He leaned back into the seat, moaning, rocking toward me. He jerked against me, his body begging for more.

  He exhaled, put his hand on my wrist, and stopped me. “Kate, you don’t have to.”

  “What’s wrong?” I asked. His rejection was like a knife of ice in my throat. It was the first time I’d ever had someone say no to me when my hand was down his pants.

  “I want you. I want this. The real this,” he said, his eyes trying to hold me still, “but not here.”

  “Who cares where we are?” I asked, pulling away and crossing my arms to tamp down my embarrassment.

  “You deserve better than the side of a road, than something rushed, something forgotten.”

  “I’m pretty sure you would never have forgotten what you stopped,” I said, pulling my arms tighter against my chest.

  He breathed out, forced my arms free, and took my hand in his. “I already can’t, and I’m not stopping. I’m waiting.”

  “Waiting for what?” I paused, and an uncanny realization lodged itself into my brain. I yanked my hand away, suddenly wondering if I was a letch, “Crap, are you a virgin?”

  He laughed. “No, no, I just like you, a lot.”

  “I like you, too, a lot,” I said before I could stop. I was a letch.

  “Good, then let me show you that,” he said. He made me focus on his eyes, they were soft, inviting. Begging me to understand he wasn’t saying no. He was saying soon.

  “Next time I’m not taking no for an answer,” I said as we shared a smile.

  “I can’t wait for next time.”

  Chapter Thirty

  Carter

  I was startled by a knock at my door. A law book lay on my bare chest as I stared at the ceiling. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t read. I couldn’t do anything but feel Kate’s hand on me.

  After dinner and a longer than usual good-bye with Kate, I’d gone back to my room alone. I should have invited her back, but as good as it felt being with her, there was a part of me that knew it was wrong considering everything that had happened with Jeanie.

  Kate made me forget my guilt, if only for a moment. I was still trying to decide if I deserved that reprieve.

  I looked at the clock—it was well after midnight—probably someone with a noise complaint.

  I stretched, yawned, and they knocked again, more forcefully.

  I rose from the bed. I tried not to hope it was Kate, but the thought was like wind trying to bluster past what my mind crammed down. I pulled open the door.

  She stood in the hall in a tight white T-shirt and a pair of even tighter yoga pants, my denied fantasies becoming real.

  Considering she wasn’t wearing a bra, my fantasy wasn’t even close to how amazing real was. I couldn’t stop looking at her perfect tits curving through the fabric, her nipples popped at attention and begging for me to put one of them in my mouth.

  My pulse thumped in my groin.

  “I came to finish what we started,” she said, pushing past me into the room. “And I’m stone cold sober, so don’t even ask.”

  I finally managed to shut the door and my mouth as she settled herself on the edge of my bed. Her hair was down and flicking like golden flames against her shoulders, her eyes wide and firmly fixed on mine.

  “Maybe I’m coming on too strong,” she said, “but I couldn’t sleep and I kind of thought after the car today, you probably c
ouldn’t either.”

  Any questions I had fell away. The certainty she had to be mine became my only answer.

  “I never want to finish what we started,” I said, the words the only truth that mattered in that moment, “I never want this to be over.”

  My body could do nothing but move next to her on the bed and kiss her. My heartbeat seemed to make the mattress vibrate below us. It was the only thing I could hear, her breath and my heart and our lips and tongues swirling against each other at the same tempo.

  “This is progress,” she said, pulling back to cup my cheekbone.

  I considered telling her why I hadn’t been able to go through with what she was pushing for. Why I’d made her stop earlier—the reason aside from my past. Because it had been so long since I’d been with someone, the thought of it was almost too much to take.

  When she touched me earlier I almost exploded. So not cool. So not the guy I hoped to be for her. But that would have made me feel like a child, like someone she needed to lead.

  She deserved to know how badly I wanted her, too. She wasn’t pushing me to do anything.

  I ran my thumb along her palm, against each finger, her blood sliding hot as lava underneath. I kissed her again and took her shirt off in one quick motion. I ran my hands over her tits. The skin was so soft, her nipples getting harder as I stroked, seeming to beg for me as my fingers wandered. She let out a moan that echoed in the back of my throat, her tongue pushed against mine, hungrier, harder.

  Her penetrating kisses became as insistent as the only words in my head—I need to be inside her.

  Our bodies fell against each other with no barriers, only hot, searching skin.

  Just the two people we were when we were alone together.

  No pasts, no secrets, solely enveloped by the truth of our need, our want.

  She pulled back and curved her hands over the muscles of my chest like she was trying to cement her decision. I was glad she stopped. I didn’t want this to end too quickly for a lot of reasons. The least of which was embarrassing myself.

  She rose from the bed and stood in front of me, allowing me to take her in.

  Her half-naked visage was too much, I had to touch her again, the pull as raw as hunger.

  Forget going slow. I reached out for her, the temptation seared like a hot poker in my groin.

  She shook her head and slid off her pants, revealing she wasn’t even wearing panties. A rush ran through me, so strong I could barely breathe. She’d known exactly what she wanted to do when she walked down our dorm hallway.

  I made myself inhale and exhale. She was way too hot for me to keep my cool, but I had to try. I could barely sit still, barely speak. “Wow,” I said my eyes darting seemingly everywhere, to her smooth stomach, the bow-like curve of her tits and ass, her long legs, her gentle shoulder blades, and back again to those perfect tits.

  “I told you you’d never forget.”

  “I mean it,” I replied, practically whistling.

  “Just FYI,” she smiled. “I haven’t been wearing them all day.” She indicated her empty pants below her.

  “If I would have known I would never have been able to stop you earlier.” It was true. I was drowning now with her next to me, so ready, so willing.

  So mine.

  “No, I’m glad you did,” she said. “This is perfect.”

  Feasting on her silhouette against my desk lamp, I had to admit it was.

  “You are perfect,” I said, standing to join her.

  She went for the button of my pants, her eyes glued to mine, wanting to enjoy my reaction as she took me into her hand.

  My whole body trembled at her touch, but this time I would be able to do something about it. I was dizzy as she continued to stroke me, a flash that made me blind. It’s not like I’d been a monk for three years, but I hadn’t been with anyone else. Having her hands on me was like a drug I hadn’t even known I was addicted to.

  I couldn’t wait anymore. I picked her up and she wrapped her legs around me as I entered her. Her soft warmth was searing and shook me. With each thrust I felt more and more like I was floating, flying, like she was holding me above the ground. The two of us were suspended in each other, like a tornado, spinning.

  Her breath quickened. Her chin on my shoulder, her lips on my neck. “More,” she said, her words no match for my pumping jugular.

  I obliged, giving her everything. Thrashing against her with so much force the back of my thighs ached, my hips burned. She was about to come. I pulled back, teasing her, teasing myself. She bit down on my shoulder and wailed seconds before her whole body shook. I echoed, coming like a freight train, three weeks of want and three years of isolation hitting me all at once.

  I held her against me, listening to her breath—there was nothing else but her and me in this whole world.

  I kissed her lightly, tasting her mouth. “That was worth waiting for.”

  She could have no idea I’d meant for more than our three week ballet. I’d meant all my three years of solitude. I’d meant all my life.

  Her brown eyes were wild and shining, her cheeks blushed pink as if she was my palette and my touch was her paint.

  My drought, as Tristan had called it, needed to be broken by a woman deserving of a flood. Who could make me drown and save me simultaneously.

  “Worth doing again?” she asked, snaking her hand down to see if I was ready.

  In seconds I was. She pulled me back inside her, her breath catching.

  “More,” I growled, carrying her to the bed.

  She forced me against the mattress and kneeled above me, sliding me in deeper and deeper. I pressed against her, my back bent up from the bed, my body straining with the best kind of pain.

  Her hair tousled around her. She closed her eyes as she bucked against me. I kept mine open. I needed to see everything. It was true there was no way I would forget, but I wanted to remember.

  She licked her lips, her breath intensifying in rising waves.

  I took her tits in my hands, squeezed them in beat with her movements. She quickened against me, the pressure inside me was about to go. I held back. Waiting to explode exactly when she did, to be taken away in yet another flawless moment with the most perfect woman I'd ever known.

  Chapter Thirty-one

  Kate

  My phone was going off like crazy. Carter slept next to me, his naked body tangled up in the sheets.

  I didn’t want to answer it. Being with Carter was like there was nothing else in the world but our bodies. He dissolved all of the noise and confusion and bullshit from the outside. I wasn’t ready to hear whatever was trying to break in via phone.

  I had enough trouble with everything trying to break through every other way anyway.

  I turned over and ignored it, but it kept ringing. Crap. I could have shut it off, but when someone called you again and again there was a reason and it usually wasn’t a good one. I jumped out of bed still naked, stumbling the way you can only when you have been in someone else’s bed.

  I wasn’t sure if it was Carter’s age or his voraciousness, but the more he wanted me the more I wanted him. The more he gave, the more I tried to give.

  With David it always felt like duty, with Carter it was all about desire.

  I picked up the phone and squinted at the sudden light from it. Five missed calls from Veronica. I hoped everything was okay. I quickly snuck into Carter’s private bathroom and closed the door before I called her back.

  “Finally,” her voice slurred, coming over the line of the phone in a breathy ooze.

  Phew. Not bad news. I forgot about the other reason someone could and would call you like crazy at five o-clock a.m.: they were drunk-dialing you.

  “Hey, what’s up?” I asked quickly, quietly, my body emptying of fear and filling with anxiety. Like when you’re playing hide and seek as a kid, an almost sensual terror of being caught.

  But who was I trying to hide, Carter from Veronica? Or even more troubling
, Veronica from Carter?

  “Were you sleeping?”

  Why was this always what someone asked when they woke you up?

  “Not anymore,” I mumbled, deciding not to give her shit about it. She might have been pretty sure I’d been sleeping, but she could have had no idea I wasn’t alone. “Are you okay?” I asked, because there was something else in her voice aside from drunkenness: sadness.

  “If you call the shitty date I had okay, I guess I am,” her voice barreled out like a car without breaks.

  I’d kind of forgotten I wasn’t the only one going through shit. Veronica was living her life too. Her real life, not the fake one she’d made up so she could escape.

  And real life was filled with shitty stuff. Shitty stuff you actually had to deal with, not run away from like I was trying to.

  “Where are you?” I asked.

  “His bathroom,” she replied.

  I almost answered me too. Oh, the irony I couldn’t share. How could I tell her about Carter? I couldn’t.

  I mean, I could have if he was just a fling, but I cared about him. If fate valued me more than she seemed to, she would have put me at this school as an actual freshman his freshman year, so maybe we could have saved each other.

  “Terrible date, even more terrible sex,” she continued. “At least he had a bottle of vodka in his freezer. I need to get out of here.”

  “Why don’t you get a cab?”

  “No,” she replied, like I was stupid, “Out. Of. Here. I’m coming to visit you next weekend. I bought my ticket and everything.”

  My heart seemed to wobble—an odd rise, then fall—nausea leaked all the way to my toes. I wanted to see Veronica—missed her like crazy, but what would she think when she came here and saw me?

  The me I was now.

  When she realized I actually liked Carter and he wasn’t just a frat-boy fuck. That I was “friends” with someone like Dawn. That I was sober and getting good grades, for the moment at least.

  Veronica never believed I needed to quit drinking. She’d said I needed to be better at it. I couldn’t help but wonder if my badness in the drunk department just made her feel better about herself.